The past six months have been filled with so many special memories. Grandma was able to travel to Oregon for Christmas and we have so many amazing pictures of her with her great-grandchildren opening presents. We all made a somewhat impromptu trip to Vancouver for Mother's Day to help her celebrate her big day. And finally, she attended our annual camping trip to southern Oregon two weeks ago, spending 5 days with her children, grand-children, and great-grandchildren. We laughed, played bingo, danced to a local band, sat around the campfire and just enjoyed each other. I am so grateful for these special memories.
My family is very sad right now. We can rationalize that she's in a better place, that she doesn't have to face anymore medical ailments, that she has been reunited with my Grandpa, but all of that rationalizing only gets you so far. Right now I am selfishly wishing she was still here. I am wishing I could hug her one more time. I am wishing that she could play with my daughter one more time. I am wishing I could call her and hear her excited voice when Maddy and I shout, HI GRAMMIE into the phone. I am also wishing for things that haven't yet happened. I am wishing she could come visit me when we finally move into a new house. I am wishing she could share with me the joy that will come when I earn my PhD later this year. I am wishing that she could hold her future great-grandchildren. None of those things will happen and I am so sad thinking about the emptiness I will feel when I won't be able to completely enjoy those milestones because she won't be here with me. I knew this day would come but I am still not ready to face it.